The Sperm Donor

Give us this day our daily dose of the Daily Star,

a quick fag, a bacon sandwich

while we wolf-it out to the schoolies

gaggin' for a back-seater in the works transit.

Forgive us of our knowledge of politics,

the highway code and issues such as immigration,

speed cameras, fuckin' foreigners taking our jobs

and our opinions on free IVF treatment by the NHS.

Lead us not into congestion.

'Get out of my way you abortion!

I am the road god!'

I am the common man.

I am English, and we once had an empire.'

It's my duty to  pass on my genetic formula to the next generation;

tell them that the truth is found not in the Bible but on Radio 5 Live.

May 2007